Where my thoughts hang out..

April 27th, 2008

2008-04-27T11:18:00.000-07:00

"The whole word, is still on my string" -Lydia

I was bored today, so I decided to write a novel:

Life: In the Common Way

Chapter 1

Once I arrived at the Hotel on the crowded street, I headed for the door to the party. When the door opened, I saw many people whom I work with and share the same hatred for work with. As I said my hello's to everyone, I thought about my job. I guess it could be worse. I worked in a tiny office all day making websites for famous musicians, comedians, artists, etc. Out of most of the positions at JCBM Corporations, I am glad to have mine.
As I heard people saying, "Hello Benjamin", and "How are you doing tonight?" It was hard for me to see myself staying any longer than 20 minutes. I hated parties. They were just a waste of time. It is the equivalent of throwing roughly fifty people into one large room, all of which would rather be somewhere else. All I ever enjoy about the parties is grabbing a drink or two. Every party holds the same boring people, I never meet anyone new. Maybe if I might have met someone new, I would enjoy parties more.
Tonight my thoughts on parties would change. I was talking with my dear friend Matthew Shwin who has helped me into the position I occupy at work. I have always looked up to him, almost like a brother. As we conversed, a flowing red dress caught my eye. It was a gorgeous dress of red and white. Passing the knees of a woman looking like she was in her early twenties. I followed her dress up from her knees, totally ignoring Matthew's opinion on the war in Iraq, which we have been in for two years now. As my eyes followed, I noticed her straight blonde hair, and just as I noticed her eyes, she noticed mine and we both quickly looked away.
"Matt, do you know that girl over there?" I interrupted.
"Oh, Samantha, yes, she's stunning isn't she? It's a shame, she's been dating that guy for years man."
"Well, where did she come from? Does she work for Dave?" I asked frantically. I needed to know more about this Samantha girl. She was gorgeous, yet it was a shame to be shot down so quickly with the information about her and her boyfriend.
"She just started working for Dave two weeks ago." He quickly informed me.
After I was informed by Matthew about Samantha, I needed to grab a drink. I was off to the bar, when I acquired my fourth drink of the night, I figured it was time to go. I was preparing for fighting for a taxi. Just as I sat upright in means to stand up, I heard a very unfamiliar voice. I looked over to my right, and there stood Samantha. I couldn't think straight where as I had just finished my fourth and final drink. I just stared.
She smiled and started laughing. "Are you okay?" she asked, with her smooth and inviting voice.
"Y-yes, I'm fine. Are you okay?" I repeated back to her.
"Of course, why wouldn't I be, I'm not the one staring and drooling." She giggled again.
"Well, I may be drooling, but at least I didn't spill my drink."
"I didn't spill my drink" she said, sounding half concerned. Just as she finished her sentence I knocked her elbow and a slight stain appeared on her red dress.
"Now you did." I laughed. After I finished laughing at my ridiculous and drunk action, I immediately regretted the decision. There was silence, but then a sudden roar of laughter out of Samantha, who had been drunk as well. We just laughed together, until I remembered my previous intentions of catching a cab. Just as I remembered this, her boyfriend walked up.
"Who's your friend?" he said in a sort of non-caring tone.
"Oh, this is…" she drug out the "is" while waving her hand at me.
"Benjamin." I said, helping Samantha.
"…Benjamin." She repeated to herself.
"Well I have to get going; it was nice meeting you both, now I have to go catch a taxi."
"What do you mean 'nice to meet you both'; you don't even know our names", she inquired.
"Well, what are your names?"
"My name is Richard" said her boyfriend with a smirk on his face and quickly taking a swig of his drink.
"And my name is"
"Samantha" We both said, mine being a little softer.
"What did you say?"
"When? What did I say when?" I said speaking with an unreal curiosity.
"Nothing, nothing, goodnight Ben, be safe."
"Will do, goodnight to you both." I said as I stumbled away, out the door, into the dark.

April 26th, 2008

2008-04-26T11:15:00.000-07:00

"[I] had got so much into the way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the common way." -Lewis Carroll

Today, I saw "Forgetting Sarah Marshall". It quickly became a new favorite of mine. I am most definitely going to buy it when it comes out, and I will watch it all the time.
I also paid a visit to someone =] and picked them up something completely random and "out-of-the-way", but it means something. These little random things, are what bring people together. I feel like everyone should have a little random thing with someone else, otherwise there are no friendships or relationships.
Last night was pretty fun. Trashed/got trashed in some pong, but it's all good. I headed to Burger King after I left, around 10:30 which I think was the perfect time to leave, since the authorities arrived right after.
I played cards today, so I think I accomplished a few things [Bryan] and I am hoping to play a serious game of cards next weekend with some close friends. The buy-in is at five dollars, to start. If by any chance, someone, who will play seriously, would like to join us, let me know.
June 25th is rolling around soon =]

Gasoline = $3.39

April 22nd, 2008

2008-04-22T11:13:00.000-07:00

"Whats [more] important?" -Forever the Sickest Kids

I think the rest of this week is going to quickly. Tomorrow I think me and the guys are heading to ..wherever it is we need to go to dump our first load of aluminum cans. This will advance us one step closer to our $800 goal, which we have set at the end of the summer. There is a possibility of me seeing "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" tomorrow as well. I cannot wait until I see that movie.Thursday, I will not be anywhere near Vineland from 7:00AM - 8:00PM. I will be venturing to New York with the Italian Club looking at museums and the statue of liberty.
Lately the idea of the world ending in 2012 has revisited my mind. I think that as odd as it sounds, it may be possible. It's almost like the entire human race is setting themselves up for disaster. I know a lot of people in history were against war. They would protest against it constantly seeing no change. You don't completely understand, until you take a moment to ask yourself one question. What good can come out of war? George W. Bush is frightened. He is actually scared to remove the troops, because he is afraid that when we pull out, there will be mass chaos and turmoil, as if there isn't mass chaos and turmoil as we speak. I can honestly say that I am scared to death for our country, let alone the world.
I decided a little while ago, I want to improve my vocabulary a little and I want to start reading more. Reading can only make you smarter. It only takes up as much time as you want it to, and you can read about whatever you want.

Gasoline = $3.35

April 20th, 2008

2008-04-20T11:10:00.000-07:00

" It's a terrible thing, To know what you want. And to know you can't have it at all. All i wanted was to let you know how I.." Forever the Sickest Kids

Brigantine was fun this weekend. The next time I go back, I'm definitely bring my skateboard. There were so many different places to skate. I enjoyed seeing the ocean. The water was probably about 50 degrees though.
The second I got home, I had to jump in the shower, with the knowledge that company was on their way =]. After tonight, there are a few things I have to remember for May 7th. String cheese and Apple spice Febreeze. Now, I also need to work on a homemade card.
Tomorrow is my 17th birthday. I am hoping to pass my driving test, even though the increasing price of gasoline is putting me over the edge. I need a job. I need school to end. I need to graduate.

Gasoline = $3.31

April 19th, 2008

2008-04-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

"Where's my head?" -Copeland

Im going to Brigantine for a couple of days. It'll be nice to get away. I'm getting my license in 3 days. Now, as I am watching gas prices rise, I am getting less and less excited to drive. Yesterday Forgetting Sarah Marshall came out. Too bad it's rated R and I'm still 16. I think I'm going to see it sometime next week if anyone would like to join me.

Gasoline = $3.27

April 18th, 2008 1/2

2008-04-18T11:04:00.000-07:00

"Don't call me crazy, because I haven't gone crazy; yet." -Lydia

3 more days until my license is in my hands. This privilege will make everything much, much easier.
Every Friday, after school, I think more and more people just show up at my house. In no way, shape, or form does this bother me, I actually think it's kind of funny. Today all we did was play football, frisbee, sat in my room, skated, ate some pretzels and then that was it, but it was fun. Tomorrow I am heading for the shore for the first time since september! I am hoping to get plenty of pictures. I love the beach, especially when it isn't crowded. At one point this summer, I spent three hours sitting in the sand, just listening to full album after album.
Earlier, when I was at the mall (for the first time) I bought a poster. It was an odd choice, but when I saw it, I knew it was the one. It is a large scene from The Wizard Of Oz. It is made up of numerous colors. None of this meant much to me, until I noticed that all of the colors and pictures were actually made up of letters, making up words, telling the story of The Wizard Of Oz. This is what caught my eye and for a simple price of $8.00 I was able to acquire this piece of art and hang it up on my picture-covered wall.
Tonight is pretty lame, I'm in at 9:51 which is terrible this weekend might be ok overall, but tonight kinda sucks. I need something fun to happen soon, or I might explode.
My love life is terribly confusing. It is nothing like anything I have seen with anyone else. I think it is very hard to draw the line between obsession and true happiness. Are you obsessed with the one you love? Are you supposed to be in order for love to exist? Is it normal? Or should you just be ok with what happens and not want anything more than what you have. I think its a very difficult topic to take a side on, however I feel that people should have a slight obsession for the ones they love, otherwise you can only care so much, and loving is caring..
A lot of people say people cannot fall in love at a young age. I think for the most part I agree, but I think it is possible to break the surface of love at a young age. Older people have a variety of problems that us, as teenagers might not face now. This might interfere with their love life causing them to try ten times harder to stay together, and stay in love.. they have to try that much harder to obsess.

Gasoline = $3.219

April 18th, 2008

2008-04-18T10:37:00.000-07:00

"Your day froze, and everyone in it sat still as a rose." -Copeland

I finally installed my new CD deck in my car, so I'm ready to cruise when I get my license. This weekend I made three videos! Two of which are done and posted up on www.myspace.com/ourfriendthelion and the other one is still in the editing process.
I think it's safe to say that we a very advanced civilization. At the same time, however, we are put at a stand still. With all the crime, gang violence and war it just seems like we really aren't as smart as we seem. A person is smart, like me and you, but if you generalize, people seem to lack intelligence. It's like they don't know how to solve things any better than fighting and wasting money. None of this makes any sense to me. I don't know much about politics, but I feel like there is absolutely no reason to be in Iraq, especially now. I think it was/is a complete set back for our country and now we are in some serious debt. Gasoline is $3.09. Is that necessary? There are a limited number of people that benefit from things like this, that most of the time, do not deserve anything. Everything seems to cancel out. If you find a cure for a disease, an outbreak of a new, more fatal disease is brought upon our being. Everything we conquer leads to something more difficult and more risky for us to deal with.

Gasoline = $3.09

April 17th, 2008

2008-04-17T10:35:00.000-07:00

"All materials are toxic at some level, only dosage separates the medicine from the poison." -Paracelsus

This is the first time I've written in the morning. I didn't write last night so I just decided to write this morning since there has been a topic on my mind.
Why does it seem that everything is harmful to us? We are finding out that more and more substances and mixtures are fatal. I feel like no matter what the substance is, at some point it will either cause cancer or just kill the host. This is why is think it is so necessary to have fun while your young. With every year you have less time as you are creeping up on adulthood. Adulthood is nice, but you are forced to be more mature and responsible. There is a point in your life (now) when you should just act silly every once in a while. We still have time. We can still have fun.
I'm graduating next year. College will be fun, I'm sure of it, but although I complain constantly about how much vineland high school sucks ass, I will always be wanting to come back when I'm older. This happens with anything. Most of the time you are so annoyed with whats happening, and you just want things to change. In months, you will look back and wish you were back. You will always want to go back.

Gasoline = $3.21

April 15th, 2008

2008-04-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

"When I gave you that rose, what I said was true, because it's still alive and I always will, Love You." -Pathway to Providence

Today was a good day. My mom actually said she was proud of me. What the hell is up with that? Supposedly, I've been "doing well in school"? I can't complain, this year has honestly been a breeze. I haven't had too much tedious homework. Which is probably the biggest thing.
This year I think things have finally started to come together. I might have a job this summer at Sun Valley (I hope), I'll have my license, a car, and best of all I'm going to graduate in a little over a year.
After school was the highlight of my day. I had a kid. ..a monkey, and took some pictures. I felt like I was on a honeymoon. All in all today was an awesome day, and now I feel slightly reassured.

April 14th, 2008

2008-04-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

"Not knowing what is happening around you is a terrible thing" -Michael Smith

I don't know what's going on. What had happened last night? This question continuously runs through my mind. I'm tired of not knowing things.

Something needs to happen.

April 11th, 2008

2008-04-11T09:05:00.000-07:00

"Before I even walked away I forgot the feeling" -Days Away

After that quote, I just have to add that the album "Mapping an Invisible World" is probably one of the greatest albums I have ever picked up and it is a damn shame that they don't all play together anymore. Luckily! we have Good Old War to pick up where Days Away left off. Good Old War consists of just two of the original band members and one member of "Unlikely Cowboy": Keith Goodwin, Tim Arnold, and Dan Shwartz.
I didn't accomplish much today, but as I've said before, I'd rather have an average day than a bad day. Tomorrow should be better with some knocked up cheese balls. I'm sure I'll have a lot of fun tomorrow/tomorrow night.

Sorry, not much tonight. I not really in the mood to philosophize or type. Maybe next time!

April 10th, 2008

2008-04-10T09:02:00.000-07:00

Things have changed for me, and that's okay. I feel the same." -Panic at the [Gay]

Today was an extremely average day. I didn't do anything extraordinary. This most certainly isn't a bad thing. I would much rather have a normal day than a day that consisted of a chain of bad events. No, today was a simple day, I got home from school, ate and then, I took a ride with my dad which was something new, but fun at the same time I guess. I picked out my new CD deck for my car. This was my big birthday gift. Not much, but this entire week I also got a whole bunch of new clothes.
Lately, I've been thinking about change and how vital it is in our lives. Without change we would get bored very easily, with just about anything. If everything remains the same, with no progression or regression, whats the point? Change must take place in order to achieve some set goal. All this is true, but at the same time, change can ruin things. People aren't always able to cope with change and sometimes, lose it. Things may even change so fast, that you aren't even aloud time to realize it. A change of scenery or appearance is always interesting. New room setups usually confuse you for about a month, until you get used to it, but the change feels nice.
Today, I realized that I am out of shape. I'm going to start excersizing daily until summer swimming begins in late May. I've been drinking more healthy lately, and I guess I could say the same about eating, but not as much. I'm going to start running every day and doing sets of ABS and push-ups. If anyone that reads this silly thing is willing to join me, let me know. I'm just looking for some change.

April 9th, 2008

2008-04-09T08:59:00.000-07:00

"Words are just words until you deposit true meaning behind them" -Michael Smith

Something tells me that "blustery" is something negative, but today I feel the exact opposite. Today was a good day. Normal, same old school day, but I got to see some friendly faces when 6th period rolled around =]. When I got home I was starving and killed two cheeseburgers hot off the grill and was off. I got out of the house on a week day.. which sounds like i’m six, but either way, it was soo much fun not being stuck around my house all afternoon. Plus I got to talk to people I have not talked to in God knows how long. And of course, I got to see my bestest friend in the whole wide world..

"well, so ya. today was pretty much amazing. even though it’s not the end of the day . this isn’t even michael. it’s adrian:]]]]]] well i just wanted to type my blog in michaels blog space. he’s getting annoyed because i’m taking such a long time okay whatever idk what to say. michaels’ the best, i had a boring day, the end :]]]]]]]]!!!!!!!!!"

..Adrian Lelli.

April 8th, 2008

2008-04-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

"Where’s my hope in all of this?, I guess it never did exist" -The Dangerous Summer

Today was an average school day. I found out we have a half-day Friday! When I got home, I attempted to skate a quarterpipe for (pretty much) the first time in my life. The entire time I was skating I didn’t fall or get hurt. Then, out of nowhere I went to jump up onto the ramp, I slipped, and the corner of the ramp ripped my pants and cut into my skin on my left shin and left a huge bump for the third time in my life, the other two times from metal grips on the petals of bicycles.
Confusion occupies my mind about 80% of the time. When you think things couldn’t get any worse, they get better. When you think things couldn’t get any better, you realize that what you thought was real, was only something conjured up in your mind. It’s at these times where you feel isolation like no other. You feel like there is no one else that fits your exact state. This isolation is enough to frustrate someone to the point where they simply give in.

April 6th, 2008

2008-04-06T22:07:00.000-07:00

"We’ll just know when it’s right." -Good Old War

I woke up this morning still feeling upset about last night. What had I missed? I will never know for sure, but I went on with my normal Sunday routine. Today however, I went to practice my parallel parking at the conveniently placed trash cans at Vineland High School. There, I screwed up about 5 trials, where I failed to manage a successful parallel park. I get my license in 2 weeks and I can’t afford to fail because a parallel park, so that needs work.
After that, I headed for my Grandmothers house for my usual Sunday Dinner with my family. My dad and I filed my taxes (finally) and it turns out, I’m getting a whopping $84.00 back from my taxes. It doesn’t sound like much, but then again I have zero dollars to my name as of right now.
Later in the day, I attended my cousin’s birthday party which was alright, it was as fun as a cousin’s birthday party sounds..
When I got home, I finally felt like I was home, for the first time all weekend and I still had the previous night on my mind. I think it’s safe to say that it was made up for because tonight I had a lot of fun, even though I was drowsy and was in what felt like a dream.
It’s funny how you can want something so bad, that when you finally get it, it’s so hard to get used to the fact that it’s right there in front of you. It’s almost like it is all a dream. Although the feeling is indescribable, I never want it to end. I’ve learned in the past three years, that in some very seemingly insignificant events I can be very inpatient, but when it comes to something that really matters to me, I am willing to wait a lifetime. I am willing to wait as long as you need.
I can’t believe that the friends I have actually stay my friends. If I were to describe myself in one word, it would easily be weird. I am a freak. I never make sense and I am interested in the most scattered things. I just needed that to preface what I am going to continue to write..

I cannot believe that out of all of the supposed "alternate universes", I am in this one. In other words, there are a million different places I could be right now simply by the little decisions I make everyday. Whenever you are given a choice, it is said that when you choose your future by making that choice, the universe splits into two parallel universes where one universe is your choice and the other universe, the other choice. In both universes a new future is made based on both of these choices. I may complain a lot, but the truth of the matter is, is that I am a very lucky person, and if everyone thinks about it, there is always someone far less fortunate than you, and you need to be both accepting and appreciative about that. I have found that in the past few months, things can go the way you want, without consequence and I feel like karma may exist. For the most part I try to stay a good person, and I think up until now in my life I have been fairly successful and if not, I have mistakes to learn from.

April 5th, 2008

2008-04-05T22:06:00.000-07:00

Oppurtunities.

Great oppurtunities are a rarity, but when they come about, you need to act upon them as fast as you can and as hard as you can. There are times when parents can be total "jerks", but then they’re are times when they are unbelievably unreasonable and tonight, my parents were unreasonable.

Right now, I hate my life.
I’m sorry.

March 29th, 2008

2008-03-29T22:04:00.000-07:00

Today was a very decent Saturday, which consisted of learning. I learned a lot today, about myself and other things that would blow anyone's mind just to ponder. New hobbies and skills are overcoming my mind which allow me to feel ten times better than I have, in God knows how long. Letting time heal things is what I feel the key is to most problems. Most problems can be healed simply with patience.

I also found an intriguing quote from this book I’m reading, which is on my page.

"’Flight by machines is impractical...if not utterly impossible,’ stated one of the greatest scientists of the nineteenth century, John Hopkins professor of astronomy Simon Newcomb. Simon Newcomb’s comments about the impossibility of manned flight were published in 1902. A year later, Orville and Wilbur Wright proved the expert wrong."

-Ronald Mallet [Time Traveler]

This quote pretty much just goes to show, that something that, at first glance looks impossible, may actually be transferred into something spectacular. Something that will change lives, and everyone's point of view. And it all can happen tomorrow.

March 26th, 2008

2008-03-26T22:02:00.000-07:00

Today was a pretty good day. I woke up around 11:00 AM, which is a decent time and then headed over to an organized skate session at our super secret location...A.K.A Vineland High. I hung around there for about an hour, and then scooped some super cool girl on my way home. I went home and had some lunch (pizza fishes, reeses chocolate eggs, and grass hoppers..?) Later around 4 ish, my parents left the house ..=] and all of a sudden mad people just started showing up at my house, including the pizza guy lol. Then when things settled down, I skated some more and had a blast. One day soon Dennis and I will be making a video by ourselves that is planned to be hilarious. I have thought up the title "Situations", which I haven’t even brought up to him yet, but that might be what it is, so keep on the look out for that =].

Thursday, March 27, 2008
Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

Your friends can shock you out of your sleepy reverie today. You might try to avoid the action, but your protests are just wasted energy. The sooner you accept that you won’t be alone now, the easier it will be for everyone. Let go of your preconceived plans and you will enjoy yourself more than you expect.

My horoscope for tomorrow sounds pretty positive, so I’m happy about that. Believe it or not, I am actually excited to go back to school tomorrow, especially after my horoscope predicts me "enjoying myself more than I expect". It’s good to go back and see some familiar faces and it’s only two days, but it sucks leaving behind all the fun I had this break. It was a total turn around from before, I feel so much better about everything. My only concern is how much money it will cost my parents for my cell phone bill [texting]...oh jeez. We’ll see.

=No more problems here=

March 24th, 2008

2008-03-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)

You may have unexpressed needs and you could turn bitter if others aren’t giving you what you want. But don’t assume that anyone else knows what you’re thinking. Being secretive won’t bring you the desired outcome, so just express yourself as clearly as possible. If you want satisfaction, it’s appropriate to put in the extra effort now to find it.

This could be bad.

Today has been some bullshit. I woke up around 11:40 and sat in my basement all day. I went to the mall later in the day to spend some Easter money that has been burning a hole in my pocket. That was the most excitement I had all day. I bought another movie for my collection and some blank dvds for my downloaded movies =].
The second half of this break has been a total waste, so far. I havent done shit. I want to hang out with my friends again. It’s been about 2 days without all of them, and I miss them already.
Tonight I am bored beyond belief it is rediculous I went for a walk alone just to think things over and try to attain a clear mind. It worked until I got back to my house, and then I was bored again and now here I am. I’m ready to freak out. I don’t even have "Donnie Darko" which is usually my last resort.
But, I will stop complaining about that. Now I have to figure out what "unexpressed needs" I have, and how to "express myself" tomorrow. I tend to do this a lot. Practically spill all of my feelings out at one time at someone, and its amazing that their heads don’t explode. For the most part, I am usually able to get people to understand what I’m feeling, but other times it is simply impossible. It is easily put as "words can’t describe the way I felt, feel now, and will feel in the future".
I think I have totally given up. There are some people that never try, and others that try constantly. I think I used to be one of those people that tried constantly, but that all changed in the past year. I’ve never felt so helpless and alone, as "emo" as that sounds, but that is really the only way I can put it.
Basically I have my eyes set on one thing, and when that one thing is irreproachable, it's natural to give up. I feel like I’ve given up, but at the same time, I am trying my hardest just to be noticed. My problem is actually a very simple one. A problem that every normal high school, teenager may have. It is easy for me to say that, but at the same time, I feel like a very,very limited amount of people my age, at my school experience what I do, or what I did. If someone were to ask me what month out of my entire life was the one I enjoyed the most, I would be able to answer without any doubt, without being held back by any other memory. I would answer in an instant, August 2005.
According to my horoscope, I am to express my feelings tomorrow, by writing this blog, I probably have already began. My problem awaits to be solved, but I still lack the right words and patience, after all this time. Maybe my problem isn’t meant to be solved and I am rambling on about nothing, but then I think, what if? What if I kept with it? What would become of it? Would it last? Who knows.. I just have to make the decision. Go for it, and possibly waste more and more time, or end up with something more valuable than anything in the world.
I am hoping that most of the people that read this silly blog notice the length and decide to hit the back button in their internet window. If you don’t, you must be some kind of bored, that I can not imagine.

I don’t really know why you would be reading this, but it is appreciated that someone cares.

Tomorrow is a new day.

March 23rd, 2008

2008-03-23T21:53:00.000-07:00

Today was Easter.
It wasn’t as fun as past Easters. This year it felt like it was standing in my way.

I woke up around 6:40 to get ready for church: a terrible time to start the day. Seeing my family was fun, but after about an hour of seeing both sides, I was ready to go. I snagged a ride back to my house. I was home alone and bored to death. I went on a cleaning spree in my basement, listening to blasted music.
From then I did nothing until around 8, went for a walk and checked out the clear skies and then went for a ride to wawa (the highlight of my day) and then came home to watch "Alpha Dog" .. again.

Today was a bore, tomorrow better be interesting.
My problem is still a problem.

March 21st, 2008

2008-03-21T21:42:00.000-07:00

So far this spring break has been pretty striaght I guess. I’ve
decided to dorm in my basement until break is over. I’m considering making it my room, which would be an interesting change.
Last night was fun I went to Ritas with some friends =] and got that free jawn, then we headed back to my house to chill for a bit and just watched some tv. Tonight was pretty much the same thing, but it was fun. I tried to hit up a small party with a short time span of 10 minutes, which easily stretched to 20-30 minutes.
I hope this break progresses at the same rate it has been. Today we got some filming done and we had a skate session. My problem is still improving, but i’m not sure where things are going to go. If there was some way I could just lay everything out, so everyone just knew what I was feeling and why, that would really help me out, but I have learned from the past that words don’t do anyone any good. No matter what you say to someone, they will never understand completely, what your feeling.

March 18th, 2008

2008-03-18T21:40:00.000-07:00

The past few days have been extremely boring. The most excitement i have gotten so far this week was when I got a replied message I sent to a band on Sunday. Other than that I could’ve done without this week. It’s the only thing standing in the way of my spring break, which is shaping up to be quite some time. I have already made plans with plenty of people that I am totally looking forward to.

I feel like everyday I learn something new about life, or I learn something new about myself. Learning more can have its downside. With every fact that I make from my experiences, come more questions, which dig me even deeper into my problem. There is one question in particular that I have yet to answer, Is Love an obsession, or is it nothing more than pure happiness? and of course where do you draw the line? When do you stop caring? When do you let go? When is "in the end"?

March 16, 2008

2008-03-16T21:39:00.000-07:00

"On Sundays I sit
and remember everything
’cause now they’re done"

-Ace Enders

Today was boring. I’m just gonna put it out there. Last night was boring, and overall, this weekend was pretty boring. Today I just sat around with my cousin, and some neighbors and played some poker. I still can’t get a clear mind, I have been listening to alot of Ace Enders and The Morning Of, which actually just make me think about things more, but for some reason I like it. I’m pretty excited for Spring Break to start, with a whole 5 days to myself, to do whatever I want. No swimming, no work, no school for 5 whole days. That should be alot of fun. It will give me plenty of time to think, and relax.

34 days until my 17th birthday. Which means my license!!!! =]

March 15th, 2008 1/2

2008-03-15T21:29:00.000-07:00

My interesting horoscope of the day:

The boundary between friendship and romantic love may be tested today as reality confronts your fantasies. Your desires must be set on the back burner if they aren’t supported by the current circumstances. Instead of feeling sad about what you cannot have, accept the current distance as a character-building learning experience.

March 15th, 2008

2008-03-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Tonight was fun. Checked out the play, saw some of my friends killin’ it on stage =]. Then made multiple trips to burger king and Wawa. Burger King was a fun experience. Dennis and I just talking about pan, and robbing the place/big ass. We then met up with some old friends, and I got my cds back!!!! Squares and Circles we’re revealed and I was buggin’ out after that. My horoscope is also ridiculously accurate. It’s sending me a warning. It’s warning me to be cautious, and keep space between them. My problem is still nowhere near solved. I just need time, with no confusion or interference.

March 12th, 2008

2008-03-12T21:21:00.000-07:00

If by doing it, I wouldn’t look like a complete loser, I wouldn’t tell people how I’m feeling with moods, but with songs. I feel like alot of different songs, but some I can really relate to more than others. When I’m down and need some reflecting music, I listen to Ace Enders, The Morning Of, This Providence [Our Flag Is White], Days Away, Mew and Copeland. If it weren’t for these bands I wouldn’t be able to cope with my problematic thoughts. Most things that bother me are totally in my mind, and only a limited number of people understand what the hell goes on up there. I just wish that things could be so much better. I miss everything about what spring used to mean to me. Spring is a time of a fresh start, a new beginning and I feel like that's what it used to be for me, but not anymore. For the past three years, I have lived life completely different. For what reason? It could be a million different things, but right now, I think I finally have an idea. I hope that in the end everything turns out the way they should.

March 8th, 2008

2008-03-08T21:19:00.000-08:00

Today was fun as hell. I had some friends over, went to the show, that I really didn't want to go to at first, but it seemed like everyone else was going, so I figured I would stop by. The rest of the night was alot of fun. My problem still seems to be improving, but as I said before, it won't be as easy as it seems. So we'll see what happens from here. Tomorrow we might be filming, so im super siked about that too =]

March 3rd, 2008

2008-03-03T21:18:00.000-08:00

So, I completely forgot to write an entry yesturday. I was going to, but I was in my bed, "restng", with my eyes closed and I never got around to it. Today was kind of boring I played some frisbee after school for a couple of hours, and then I go owned in some ping pong. Today, I didn't win a single game. It was horrible, but then again i haven;t played in a while. Yesturday my problem seemes to be much better, but it can't be solved that easy, I just have to give it time.